Tommy Time

Scandals of Asheville
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Parties and Nightlife

June 11, 2006.

Last night I went to Scandals.  What a joke.  Are they kidding me??  It was like a scene from "This is your life!", or should I say WAS my life.  Techno music.  All Techno music.  I used to be a fan of Techno music in 1993.  What got me the most was the fact that the music was the EXACT same music DJs were spinning at raves and clubs THEN (13 years ago).  I asked around to see if it was Flashback night or something.  No dice.  After about 45 minutes of 2 Unlimited and what sounded like old Prodigy, I literally wanted to snatch the DJ out of the booth and shake some sense into him. Helloooo!!! What about Missy Elliot, Kia, Kanye West?  Damn throw me a bone here.  Top 40 would’ve even made more sense.

My plight was as follows……Saturday night, biggest gay nightclub in Asheville, to my knowledge, playing crappy OLD techno music.  The only reason a handful of people were dancing was because, what else were they gonna do?  I spent $5 to get into Scandals and $1 to park in their lot, and while inside I had two Ketel One dirties and a bottle of water.  I was there from 12 am until 2 am, peak time. As far as nice looking men, there were a few.  (Except for the fat gay guy from Beetlejuice who tried rubbing my leg while wearing leopard-print gators.  I wanted to scream "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!!", and make him disappear). Around 2 am, I left in disgust after seeing possibly the worst drag show OF MY LIFE!!!  And the emcee, some latin queen, while looking at me, made a comment about confused white boys trying to be black.  WHAT????? Are you kidding me?? I am confused?  He’s up there in high heels, and I am confused.  But in hindsight, I think I was confused.  Confused as to why I was ever even in that establishment, watching a less than attractive, over-processed, bad-bottle-blonde, she-male throwing offensive comments at patrons who are paying her salary.  What got me the MOST is that I think he actually used the word "Wigger!!!"   People use that word? HA HA HA.  I must have been on Mars for 13 years or something.   Come on.  I was wearing my trusty NY Yankee hat backwards!!, (Go Yankees),  A blue UNC t-shirt with Diesel Jeans and black Nike Shocks.  I am an understated, t shirt and jeans kind of guy and those who know me, know that I rarely look sloppy or messy. I have some style.  Maybe she should let me teach her something about style, progressive trends, vocabulary and also CLASS!!  I could at least re-do her hair color, as I am a Master Hair Colorist and Stylist and would not mind doing a bit of charity work for a low-budget drag queen.  My mom always told me you can’t teach someone to have class.  Either they have it or they don’t. Same with being a DJ, I assume.  He had access to a lot of great progressive music, a great progressive city and supposedly the best night club there.  Sadly, he fell short.   I will say, in the defense of the establishment, I was told the owner died recently.  My prayers go out to his friends and family.  I am hoping that  that is what’s affecting the staff.  However, even with that knowledge, coupled with my first-time experience there, I do not think I will personally go there again nor will I take any of my New York or out-of-town friends there, unless they want a good laugh!!  In all, it was a waste of $6 and my precious time as life is short.  I did, however, get a laugh out of it.